I went edge the day after my high school graduation party. After four years of being a drunk punk I decided to become a clean punk. I made that decision when I was waking out of the club where the party was held. I don't really know what triggered it. Probably I was just tired of boozing and smoking cigarettes but I needed something to pull me out of that, so straight edge seemed like a good tool to do that. That was year 1999. I was already into punk and hardcore for about 4 years when I decided to go drug free. I remember when I first learned about straight edge and thought that it was a totally stupid idea and there I was, 2 or 3 years later going that same path that I made fun of before. Life's strange sometimes.
I was 18 at that time so I guess that wasn't the usual age that most of the kids become edge, but I think it actually worked in my advantage. I was almost an adult and I wasn't under pressure of any of my friends to become sxe. I made that decision totally on my own and I stuck to it to this day. It's not that I think it's my greatest accomplishment ever but I'm still pretty proud of the fact that I'm straight edge. I'm proud but at the same time I don't look down on anybody who doesn't go the same way as I do. I'm just happy for myself that I was strong enough to hold on to it.
I wasn't always that way. As a young adept of straight edge I felt that straight edge is an answer to anything. That kind of thinking got me into a lot of stupid arguments over the years which from the perspective of time look so childish it makes me embarrassed. I guess I was just naive and too young to understand few things about straight edge and life in general. Also the whole vibe that was going on at that time in the scene I grew up in had an influence on me as well. I know that it's easy to blame the others but not yourself but that's how I see it. That's how it was in that whole militant straight edge movement and I took that attitude towards others who didn't exactly embrace it.
Anyway, few years passed by and I grew out of that mindset. I think one of the turning points for me was when I took part in a conversation about some person that broke edge and one of my friends said that in his opinion when someone breaks edge it's a signal for him that that person can't really be trusted as a friend as well, because if someone couldn't hold on to the straight edge they probably couldn't hold on to their friendship either. That's when it hit me how stupid that whole us vs. them attitude was. I understood that instead of building a community it destroys it. What kind of friendship is it when we turn our backs on our close ones only because they start to drink. No wonder so many so called edge breakers stops going to shows and loose interest in hc in general, when all we do is pointing fingers at them and make jokes about them behind their backs. The thing is that we don't know what can make someone break edge. It can be just ordinary boredom or just the fact that the person doesn't want to be edge any longer because it isn't for them But sometimes it can be some deeper problem like depression over something etc. What kind of friends are we if we see our friends getting into heavy drugs or drinking and instead of asking "Hey, are you OK? What's wrong?" we say "Dude, you're not edge any more. We can't be friends now."
Over the years I've learned, that for me straight edge isn't the goal as itself. It's just a base that I can build the rest of my life on. It's a tool that keeps me focused on achieving all the other goals that I set for myself in my life. In simple words it's not were I ended, it's where I started from and continued to grow. And even though it really sickens me when so many people turn it into something ugly that I can't even relate to, at the same time I see so many awesome sxe kids that keep their hearts open and that makes me "still proud to be straight".
WS.
Playlist:
YOT
Floorpunch
In My Eyes
Over The Line
Step Forward
Ten Yard Fight
Straight Edge 2008
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